


Just Want To Be Loved

by mywildrose223



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Bullying, Crying, Crying Sherlock Holmes, Depression, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Sherlock Holmes, Insecurity, Lonely Sherlock, Mr. Bee, Poor Sherlock Holmes, Sad, Sad Sherlock Holmes, Self-Hatred, Sherlock still goes by William
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 18:06:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17208317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mywildrose223/pseuds/mywildrose223
Summary: Sherlock (who as a child and currently a teenager in this fic goes by William) is bullied every single day. Sometimes he just can't handle it. Sometimes he needs to find comfort in Mr. Bee, a toy from his childhood.Sorry, I'm bad at summaries.Warning: this story has mentions of self-harm. Please read the tags!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The wonderful JAKishu gave me permission to use their version of Mr. Bee, so special thanks to them! If you haven't read JAKishu's work "My name is Mr. Bee", please do so! It's not necessary to understand this story, but it is very good and deserves to be read! I'll post the link at the end.
> 
>  
> 
> Also, thank you so much for reading my story! Comments and kudos give me life, so please feel free to leave some!

Every day was dreadful, but this day was worse than normal.

As soon as the bell rang, William left the classroom and retrieved his bag from his locker. He kept his head down as he left the school. Maybe if he didn’t look at anyone they wouldn’t find a reason to bully him even further.

He was wrong.

Just as he reached the bottom of the steps outside of the school, someone bumped into him.

“Hey, watch where you’re going!” Philip Anderson said, turning to see who he’d hit with his shoulder. When he saw that it was William, he stopped and sneered.

“Look who it is. Do you think you can run into me and get away with it freak?” he asked.

“You ran into _me,_ Anderson. Maybe if you didn’t have the coordinance of a sack of potatoes you’d be able to keep from bumping into everyone. It’s a wonder you’re still on the rugby team.” William replied, unable to keep his mouth shut.

“You freak!” Anderson bellowed, punching William in the stomach. “No wonder you don’t have any friends. Who’d want to associate themselves with a freak like you?

“Yeah!” Sally Donovan agreed, having just exited the school and joined her boyfriend. “No one wants you, freak. Why do you even bother showing up to school anyway? No one would miss you if you were gone.”

William said nothing and just held his stomach with his arms, trying not to cry. He shouldn’t have said anything. Every time he opened his mouth all he did was make his tormentors angrier and more aggressive. It wasn’t even his fault and he still got blamed. All because he was different.

“Touch me again and I’ll beat you into the ground, freak” Anderson threatened, talking Sally’s hand and walking away.

William remained where he was for a moment, trying not to vomit. Whenever someone called him a freak it made him sick to his stomach. Anderson’s violence certainly hadn’t helped. When he felt he had somewhat recovered, he walked home.

 

* * *

 

 

William went straight to his room. He refused to cry in front of his parents, not that they’d care even if he did. Crying left him exposed and vulnerable. He refused to let anyone see him like that or give them the opportunity to call him weak.

He closed his bedroom door and dropped his bag on the carpeted floor. William felt sluggish. Every movement felt like he was trying to move through sand. Each breath that left his body made his body shake as he held in his tears.

Laying down on the bed, he curled up into a ball and covered his face with his hands. Then the tears began to fall.

“Why do I let them get to me? They’re idiots!” He whispered to himself, crying into his hands.

_Because they’re right. You are a freak. Why else are you so alone. No one wants you. No one ever will._

William felt so alone. He didn’t have a single friend. He desperately wanted someone to hold him and tell him everything would be alright. Someone to comfort him and be kind to him. He didn’t have anyone like that in his life.

_You’re alone because you’re pathetic. Look at you! You’re crying alone in your room like a child! No wonder no one wants you!_

More tears ran down his cheeks. He muffled his sobs with his pillow, not wanting his parents to hear him crying. They’d tell him to grow up and quit his whining. Caring is not an advantage, they’d say.

“I just need someone,” William murmured. “ _Anyone._ I’m so tired of being alone!”

His need was suffocating him. William got off of his bed and stumbled over to his closet. He opened the door and grabbed the box that he kept in the back, hidden from his parents or snooping older brother. He kept his most prized possessions in this box. Possessions that his parents would attempt to throw out if they ever found them.

He opened the box and took out the item on top. It was Mr. Bee. A present from Mycroft on his second birthday. He’d had Mr. Bee ever since. His first and only friend.

He put the box away and crawled back to the bed, too exhausted to walk. He climbed onto the bed and pulled the blanket over himself and Mr. Bee.

William curled up again, this time with Mr. Bee clutched close to his chest. He stroked his precious toy, feeling the bumpy ridge where Mr. Bee’s second wing should be. The wing that had been torn when his mother had tried to take his toy away from him.

“It’s okay, Mr. Bee. I have scars too,” William told him, pulling up his sleeves and showing the toy his wrists. There were thin lines marking his skin all the way up to his elbow. Some were white and in various stages of fading. Some, however, were still red. They stood out on his pale skin like red roses in a snow-covered garden.

“I’m a freak. No one will ever love me…” William said, “I just want to be loved, Mr. Bee.” Fresh tears poured down his cheeks, soaking into the toy.

_You’re disgusting. A freak. Why are you even still alive? It’s obvious everyone would be happier if you just died already._

William sobbed harder and pulled Mr. Bee closer. His thoughts were flying through his head, bouncing around and attacking him from every angle. He wanted his mind to just be quiet and to leave him alone. Everyone at school hated him, his family hated him… He even hated himself. His mind constantly felt the need to remind him why he was a terrible person.

_No one likes you. You’re going to die alone._

“Shut up,” William whispered, rocking back and forth.

_No one will care when you’re gone. They’ll be happy, in fact._

“Just stop it,” he cried.

_Freak!_

“Stop,” he moaned. He couldn’t handle his thoughts. “Please, just stop,” he whispered.

His thoughts didn’t stop. Neither did his tears.

William cried himself to sleep like he did most nights, knowing that this was his fate. He was destined to spend the rest of his life alone. All he had was Mr. Bee and himself, no one else. No one cared about him. He knew that if he waited around for someone to finally care about him, he’d be waiting for the rest of his life. Why would anyone ever care about a freak like him?


	2. Mr. Bee

I could hear William come home from school from inside my box. I’d been inside this box for a long time now. Every now and then William would take me out and hold me. These were the times when he really needed me. I knew because he’d cry and tell me how sad he was. I worried about him tremendously, but there was little I could do to help him. All I could do was try to comfort him.

William laid down on his bed and began to cry. I wish I could get out of this box and go to him. Sometimes William would come get me and sometimes he would cry alone, leaving me helpless to do anything. Part of me longed for him to retrieve me from this cardboard prison, but part of me dreaded it. If William wanted me that meant he was hurting even more than usual. I don’t want him to hurt or be sad. He used to be happy. That was when he was a child though. He’s told me since that he thinks he was only happy as a child because he was too ignorant to see how terrible the world really is. I wish I could help him.

I can hear steps heading toward me. I hold my breath and wait to see if he’s coming for me. There’s a loud sound as the closet door slides open. There had been many times when William had gone into his closet for something and made me think he was getting me. I always got my hopes up. I missed William. But maybe he was just getting another blanket or something… Maybe he wasn’t sad enough to need me.

My box is being pulled out of the closet. The lid is opened and I can see my William. His cheeks are wet and his eyes are red and puffy. He’s in pain. My poor William is in pain again. I reach out to him and he grabs me.

William crawls over to the bed with me. He’s so tired. I tell him to rest more, but he can’t hear me. We’re soon under the covers and he’s holding me close. I can feel his warmth. It was nice to be so close to him; I’ve missed him so much. After all these years, my love for him has only grown. I had once promised Mycroft that I’d love his little brother. At the time, I had no idea how lovable the boy I’d be given to was. He was wonderful and he had no idea. I wish I could tell him.

He’s petting me and I can feel him focusing on my missing wing. I still don’t mind its absence. There’s still no need for me to fly away. Why would I need to fly away when I have someone as kind as William to love me and who needs me? From the first day I met him I knew he’d always hold me and keep me close. I was right. Many toys are soon cast aside after they’ve been given to someone, but not me. William has always cherished and loved me. We’ve been explorers, researchers, scientists… We’ve even been pirates together! But most importantly, we’ve always been best friends. When I was first placed into that bin of unwanted toys in the store, I had no idea what it would feel like to be loved. William has shown me that. I don’t know how I got to be so lucky. I only wish William felt as loved as I do. The missing wing is a small price to pay to be able to be a part of William’s life.

“It’s okay, Mr. Bee. I have scars too,” William tells me. I can see the scars on his wrist. I want to cry. Why would he do this to himself? My poor William. He feels like he’s damaged, just like his mother had once told him I was. Even if he is, that doesn’t mean he can’t be loved. He’s given me so much love and I’m missing a wing and a leg. If I can be loved, why can’t he be?

I wish I could make him stop crying. I don’t want him to be in pain anymore.

I want him to know he’s not alone. He’ll never be alone. He has me.

He’ll always have me.

**Author's Note:**

> [ **My name is Mr. Bee**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13707363) (1285 words) by [**JAKishu**](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JAKishu)  
>  Chapters: 1/1  
> Fandom: [Sherlock (TV)](https://archiveofourown.org/tags/Sherlock%20\(TV\))  
> Rating: General Audiences  
> Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply  
> Relationships: Mycroft Holmes & Sherlock Holmes  
> Characters: Sherlock Holmes, Mycroft Holmes, Sherlock Holmes' Father, Sherlock Holmes' Mother, Sherlock Holmes' Grandmother  
> Additional Tags: Mr. Bee, Toy Store, Toy factory, Birthday, sherlock´s second birthday, Mycroft is a good brother, mycroft the toy doctor, Birthday Present, Bee - Freeform, Bad Parents  
> Series: Part 18 of [Little Sherlock](https://archiveofourown.org/series/820059)  
> Summary:
> 
> Sherlock gets a new toy to his second birthday and it becomes his best friend.


End file.
